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Tuesday, January 12, 2010


I think this past week has been one of my most challenging yet.I had to face major and i mean major demons.Yes I've made poor choices in the past knowing full well that I'd have to face the consequences sooner than later but i guess when the reality sets in,the weight of it all becomes much harder to carry. Worse still,someone whom i imagined to be a shoulder to nuzzle on, judged me for being me! you may wonder how come I've been friends with this person for as long(actually close to seven years..)to which i can only say,bad habits are hard to kick!!
You should be around those who make you feel strong when you're at your lowest and not characters who kick you in the shin when you're already licking you're wounds on the floor.i must admit though the truth hurts!!!
My supposed ex called the other day but i didn't pick up.Not because i ignored his call;(my phone was actually in another area and i didn't hear it ring),it's just that i didn't get the opportunity to debate on the wisdom of opening the communication lines once more.I wasn't sad.I actually felt a little victorious;i had a huge smirk on my face.Then,after a few minutes,i started to wonder if he indeed misses me, or if he's still in love with me!! Silly,huh?
I suppose it must mean am still in love with him and am hoping he feels the same.How will i know without picking up his phone calls?Am afraid that when i hear the sound of his voice, I'll forget how much he pisses me off by being so passive when I've foolishly declared my undying devotion to him in this past year,am afraid of going back to the same roller coaster of emotions and drama.
So no. I refuse to go back to feeling worthless,waiting around for his affection to gain my validation as a person,as a woman and as a mother of his child.Nope.He's going to have to work harder to get me back.
But then again,it was just a phone call....